For me going above 7 means that I'm slowly returning to where I was five years ago. If I relax just a little I have this fear that I will go back to my old ways. I'm I start accepting a 7.5 A1C then that means I will accept blood sugars close to 200. I can't do that, to me 200 is like an awful drug that will kill me. I need to be below 200 because I want to somehow cancel out the ten years of not taking care of myself. To me the only way to do that is to have an A1C below 7, maybe that will fix whatever I did to my body.
Five years ago I had a life changing experience, we have all had that moment in our life. We all have something inside of us that we remember, for most it is the lose of a loved one. No matter what you do you do not forget that person. Twenty years from now I will still think about the moment that saved my life. My doctor understands that but told me that I can not live in fear. The life I live today is totally different, I have amazing people in my life that will not let that happen. I'm also to strong to go back to that way of life. I don't have to forget my past but I do have to stop living in fear.
It was tough for me to hear that. I don't know how to sit back and look at all that I have. I expect a lot out of myself and I need goals. I can't sit back and say all is great diabetes wise, I need that goal, I need to be the best. My doctor cut me off and said "If you want a goal, don't let yourself go low. Your reward will be that you will be the best husband for your wife and the best friend to everyone in your life. You are not you when you are low. Don't be selfish, do it for everyone in your life." That was all that I needed to hear, a lot of people questioned why I changed doctors but when he said that I knew I made the right choice. Taking a half hour out of his day to talk to me over the phone was amazing. He could've just called a psychologist or put me on medication, he didn't he took the time to make sure I was ok. I can't thank him enough. I just hope that we have more doctors like him in the world.