With that selfishness came a thought that people should not worry about me. In twenty-one years of being a diabetic I've only had two occasions where I have gone down due to low blood sugar. Both times occurred while I was in middle school, so in my mind I think why should someone worry. I have gone years without any problems. For the last month or so I have been watching "Unguarded" a documentary on ESPN about former NBA star Chris Herren. Chris was a great basketball player who played in the NBA but lost everything due to a drug addiction. In the film he talks about his life and interviews are done with the people close to him. When they talk to his brother I instantly start crying, he talks about how Chris has reinvented himself and beat his drug problem. He talks about when his brother was addicted to drugs and he says "Goin to bed every night wondering if your brother is going to be dead is a bitch. When you hear the ambulance you think he's in it, when you hear the cop cars, you think that is where they're goin"
While in tears last night I thought holy crap is that what everyone close to me thinks? My wife worries constantly when we are not together and this documentary gave me a glimpse inside her world. I will never know what my parents thought while I was in college and I never want to know that my wife worries if I'm dead or alive. It saddens me to think that they have those thoughts, as much good as this disease has done for me it still can take my life at anytime and that scares everyone in my life. I wish I could fix it but I can't and that hurts.