Today i had an appointment with my endocrinologist, i was very nervous about my A1C, I knew it would be close to seven. Seven for me is to high, I want to be sub seven if I can. When the doctor told me that my A1C was 7.2 I felt like a part of me had died. Seven is my magic number, I was so proud that my A1C was under seven for almost three years. With a 7.2 I feel like I have failed.
I feel this way because I have never been great at anything, I'm a middle of the pack guy, it doesn't matter what it is. I have never won anything, I have made All Star teams but I want to win at everything that I do. With an A1C under six I felt like I was winning, today that was all taken away. The increase in my A1C is due to having to many lows while cycling and running. I feel amazing, I have never rode or run better in my life. With that said my best is the top 20% in any race that I do, that may be good for some but to me that is bad. Like I said I'm wired a bit differently.
I feel that I have let everyone in the diabetes community down. I'm supposed to be the one with a great A1C and all the answers about cycling and diabetes. I'm asked all the time about how I can compete in endurance events with diabetes, now I feel that I don't deserve that honor. I feel that I'm nothing special, yes I can run and ride a bike but I'm not going to win.
My endo knew that I was upset and tried to cheer me up but nothing worked, Leanne also tried and was unsuccessful. The 7.2 will haunt me until my next appointment, until then I work my butt off to balance exercise and my diabetes. It is a never ending battle that I will never win but one that I want to be successful.