The start of May will bring with it some warmer temperatures which means the trails will be beautiful. What is not beautiful right now is the shape that I’m in. The start of the year has been very difficult, from surgery to an an unfortunate accident on a run I can’t get in a groove.

Exactly one week ago I left the trails crying thinking I had broken something in my left shoulder or my back. I thought my 2018 racing season was over before it even began. A dog took out my legs and I fell almost ten feet on a bunch of rocks. My neck was and is fine, I can’t lift anything but running is okay as long as I don’t feel any pain. My back is still sore but I need to get back to the trails.

The only good news has been my blood sugars!! Things are a little easier diabetes wise when you’re not doing anything. Getting back in shape and keeping my blood sugars in range will be a challenge but I’m excited to get back to training and racing.

I believe that people living with diabetes question a lot in their life. Personally, I wonder how many of my coworkers truly understand what it is like to live with diabetes. On a daily basis I will be asked if I can eat that. I’m not going to lie it does get a little old but every time I’m asked it is a chance to teach someone about diabetes.

While at work the other day someone that I would call a good friend extended the olive branch and asked some meaningful questions. While working with him I excused myself and said I needed to go get something to eat or I’d be in trouble. I returned a minute later with a Mountain Dew and a cliff bar. I was asked “so soda and not juice? Why?” I explained that I would need that very quick fix and that soda does that where as juice will raise it and keep it higher longer.” I then explained that I’d probably be falling out of range right before lunch because I didn’t get a juice. He then asked about what I was feeling. I told him my lips were numb and that getting sugar was the only thing on my mind. As I walked back to have my snack in his office I asked “what happened to everything I was working on?” Twenty minutes later I walked out of his office and said thanks and went and grab the cart that I was working on.

When he yelled out “are you serious!!” I didn’t know what was going on. He said “you went and got that cart without thinking, you knew where it was the whole time!!” I explained I had no clue when I came back but once my blood sugar was back in range my brain came back and everything was normal. He laughed and said “you make it look to easy. I had no idea that’s what you go through when you get a soda”

After three months I have made my return to running! It wasn’t pretty but it felt great to be back on the trails. I began very cautiously and was waiting for my neck to give me some pain. I was only a few hundred yards in and yelled at myself “Your on the trails and fell in love with them because you relax while running, don’t think just do!” With that and some awesome county music I was off. I walked more hills then I would have liked but this was first run in months, I had to remind myself of that a lot.

The best part of the run was finding myself as I always do while running the trails. I love the self exploration while on the trails, for example today I was running in our “soon to be” new hometown. This is a town just miles away from where I grew up but is in a different state and a lot more country. I never imagined my life being in this town but I can’t describe how happy I am to call it home! Kate and I will explore our new country town via the trails weekly and we can’t wait.

Diabetes wise starting my run at 130 was perfect. A temp basal was set for the three mile run but was probably not necessary. A thirty minute run is nothing, when it comes to suspending insulin. I just wanted to play it safe and did well as my blood sugar was at 112 when I finished. I’m hoping this continues but as the miles increase it will become more of a challenge to keeps sugars in my perfect range.

After two months I have returned to work, I’m not one hundred percent but can now work a full eight hour day without any problems. I’m very limited in what I can do, I can’t lift more than five pounds but I can clean and do other jobs around the workplace. It’s nice to be back but it bothers me that I can’t do what I was doing before surgery. It bothers me that I can’t do my job. Soon enough I will be back to one hundred percent, until then I will just enjoy each day and do what I can.

​All of this might sound boring but it is testing me blood sugar wise. After two months of not doing much being on my feet for eight hours is different and my blood sugar is fluctuating. I’m doing a much better job of not over reacting to blood sugars that get close to going out of my set range. This means not taking insulin prematurely or getting juice prematurely. This is my biggest challenge and one that I have been facing for years. In order to be better as an athlete and as a person living with diabetes I have to trust myself more and know that my blood sugars will not go way above or below my set range.

Each week I will be improving and trying to run. It will be a long road but thanks to a great coach I have been building my strength and doing a lot of body weight exercises. I will be back on the trails and will be completing a 50k or 50miler before the end of the year. I can see my goals but it’s a long road and I need to stay disciplined.

What a day for a marathon!! Temperatures were in the low forty’s as runners began the 26.2 mile from Hopkinton to downtown Boston, if the temperature didn’t bother you maybe the torrential rains did, to make it even more enjoyable a head wind with gusts approaching 50mph decided to make an appearance.

Five runners toed the start line for Team Type 1 and all the runners not only finished but did so in amazing times!! What makes the day so special is that I haven’t heard one of them complain about the weather or their blood sugars. We’re either perfect? Probably not (I have no idea what anyone’s blood sugar was). This is all speculation and I’m talking from my own experience but perfect blood sugars during a 5k are tough never mind a marathon. That’s what makes Team Type 1 so special, they compete at the highest level and do so with diabetes. They have blood sugars that go out of range but they continue to push on.

Personally Marathon Monday and the runners of Team Type 1 gave me just the kick in the ass that I’ve needed. Coming back from surgery is a little tougher then I thought and I’ve been upset that I can’t train like I want too. I can still train but not like I would normally. Today was a reminder that things aren’t always perfect but you have to find a way to push on. It doesn’t help if you get angry and takeout your anger on someone, you’re only hurting yourself. It isn’t always easy but you must keep moving. That is what the runners of Team Type One taught me today. They are showing me and the world what’s possible with diabetes.

For a New Englander “Marathon Monday” is a holiday, people line the marathon route for hours and cheer on each and every runner. For an endurance runner with diabetes I will be glued to my television tomorrow watching the marathon, not just because I love running but because five members of Team Type 1 are teaching me how to dream and showing me what’s possible with diabetes. Many may be wondering what is Team Type 1, on Wednesday Team Type 1 mad the following announcement.

“On January 1st, The Team Type 1 Foundation became the world's largest diabetes and sports organization by adding to its portfolio of programs a 50-person Elite Team of world-class athletes all living with diabetes.

TT1 also added a junior cycling team that serves as an entry point of talent for the Team Novo Nordisk professional cycling team.

The mission of both programs is to disprove all common diabetes stigma and inspire those around them to reach for their dreams!

TT1 now supports more than 170 elite-level athletes who will prove What's Possible with diabetes! Look for them at athletic events all over the world and learn all about them on our new website....coming soon!

We are proud to announce the 2018 Boston Marathon as our first TT1 Elite Team event! Five TT1 runners are competing in this year's race and have committed to support TT1 by raising funds for it's college scholarship program.

Please support our inspiring runners and help us show the world What's Possible!” https://www.gofundme.com/2018Boston

For the past six months I have been getting a lot of questions about why I want to run a 50 mile race.  The truth is I have been wanting to run a 50 mile race for two years.  In those two years I learned that you can't just wake up and say I want to run 50 miles and do so in six months.  My body has totally changed in two years and I have been asked numerous times if I'm ok because my body looks more like a runners body now.  I have been hearing how it is unhealthy to run 50 miles, I have also heard that I'm crazy.  The truth is I am a little crazy but just to other people.  Running or working out everyday is what I love to do, I do it to live.  By being on the bike, running, or in the gym I'm keeping my blood sugars in check and prolonging my life.  I run or bike for hours on end because it makes me happy.

How did I get here though?  People that run or bike crazy miles don't just wake up one day and say "I'm going to bike 100 miles or run an ultra marathon"  The truth is a lot of endurance athletes are former addicts or have had a tragic moment in their life.  Running or cycling crazy miles takes them to a place that they know all to well. 

We all know about my struggles with diabetes, that was a low point in my life, but maybe not the lowest, which is surprising to most.  My first painful memory was when I was eight, my fathers father was very sick and hooked up to all kinds of machines at the hospital.  I was able to go in to see him and what I saw brought me to tears.  I had a little league game later that day and had one of the best games of my life.  Baseball was also present for the next moment, I was 14 and pitching, the game was only a couple of innings deep and I couldn't find my parents.  I began to get nervous and as I took the mound for the next inning my mothers car pulled up.  She would get out but my father was no where to be found.  I pitched one of the best games of my life only to learn that my father had a heart attack earlier in the day.  As a sophomore in high school my father was in a Boston hospital for two months with a virus of an unknown source in his brain aka encephalitis.  When he returned home he still wasn't himself, things happened that I don't want to share but those are on my mind while running and cycling.  I also think about the shot I made in the last seconds of a basketball game which kind of symbolized the end of him being sick.  I have had numerous family members in rehab for alcohol and have lost a close friend or family member every year since I was 14.  Endurance sports let me know that I'm alive and that life is truly a gift!! 

I'm not sharing this so people feel bad for me or because I need hug.  The paragraph above explains why I like to beat my body up.  I love the pain of running mile after mile, I love the challenge that a 50 mile race brings.  I love that I want to run a 50 mile race.  I need to prove to myself that I'm alive, I need to feel pain.  I have felt a lot of pain and a lot of it hasn't brought me happiness.  I feel pain when I run or ride a bike for hours on end but as I'm doing so I'm thinking, crying and smiling.  I don't know why I'm here, I don't know what my purpose is, but I do know that the pain of running and cycling has made me a better person.  I will have a lot more pain in my life and I pray that I can get out and run or ride my bike to deal with the pain that has yet to come.  If I didn't have endurance sports I don't know where I would be.

After almost two months I have finally returned to training, I feel like I'm out of shape and fat!!  Don't ask Kate or family about that, they get rather upset when I say that.  The truth is I'm out of shape but I'm very slowly getting back to where I should be.  I know that it won't be easy to reach the level I was at in August but for someone that was running 50k races and biking hours at a time for fun, only being able to stay on an elliptical for twenty minutes sucks.  I will return to the level I was at before my injury and surgery but I need to keep my eye on the prize.

What is the prize?  That is a very good question!!  I have my eyes on a ten mile race, a few half marathons a 50k and a lot of long rides on the bike.  My ultimate goal for this year however is either a 50 mile race or a double century on the bike.  I love pushing my body to extremes and only giving myself seven months to be ready is what I need to get back to where I want to be as an athlete.  Long before my injury a 50 mile race was my goal for 2018 and you better believe me when I say I will finish a 50 mile race this year.  

However I miss being on my bike, I miss the challenge and I miss the freedom of covering fifty miles in a few hours.  The bike was my first love and means the world to me.  I mean the bike saved my life and although I have had two severe accidents the past two years but I still want to be back on the bike.  When my son and daughter are in the car with Kate and I and see someone running or on their bike they say "Daddy can we watch you race this year?" or "Daddy is that your friend?" It motivates me.  I want my family to be there when I race, I want to see their smiles as I cross the line, I want Kate to be driving them past me while I'm racing on the bike, I want them to see that Daddy doesn't give up when things get tough.  It is odd to say but running and biking is the best way I can teach my kids to work their butt off when they are faced with any challenge in life.  

As you can tell I'm not sure what I want to do, the fun part is I can ask you the reader.  Below is a poll, give an answer and whichever answer has the most votes is the race I will do this fall!!  

Sam Brand is a monster on the bike, he is a man that imposes his will on the other riders in the peloton.  Sam has this other person inside of him when he rides, he has been working to be a pro athlete his entire life and got his chance to show what he could do last summer as he joined The Team Novo Nordisk Pro Team.  Sam takes pride in what he does each and everyday, it doesn't matter if he is on the bike or speaking to teenagers with diabetes, Sam will take the time to be a friend.  Clip those bright red shoes into the pedals of a bike and out comes this different person, a person that makes other riders crumble when Sam challenges them.  

Sams red shoes are his calling card, the peloton moves quickly and it is very difficult to see your favorite rider whipping past you at 30mph.  If you're a fan of Sam you can pick out those red shoes and say "Hey thats Sam Brand!!"  Sam is a man that wants to honor the sacrifices of the people that came before him, Sam knows that he is in a point in life where it is not just about him, it is about the generation that is coming behind him.  The diabetes community couldn't ask for a better role model.  

Sam will be competing at the Commonwealth Games for the Isle of Man starting this week and he will have fifty people that are living with diabetes on the bike with him!!  Over one thousand people entered to "ride" with Sam, that is amazing.  Sam and Team Novo Nordisk are changing diabetes and one pair of shoes shows how much the diabetes community respects and appreciates all the work that the team does on a daily basis.  

In seven months I will be toeing the line for my first of many 50 mile races.  It has been a very long and interesting road to this point as a person and as an athlete.  On the 50 mile course, I will do a lot of self exploration, one of the areas that will be on my mind is my life with diabetes.

Diabetes is my life, it wasn't always that way however.  I started to stop taking care of myself at the age of sixteen.  I stopped testing my blood sugar and only took insulin when I felt like I needed it.  I never knew what my blood sugar was, I took insulin if my I felt sore, tired or if my mouth was dry.  If I sat down for a meal I would take my insulin maybe an hour or so after I ate.  I was not in control of my diabetes and was afraid to take insulin before a meal because I didn't know what I was doing.  I was scared to take insulin before bed but would do so, I would cancel that out by having a big pre bedtime snack.  

In that time I never once saw a doctor but had access to insulin, test strips and syringes.  During a fifty mile run I will cry while I think about my life with diabetes.  I almost died because I refused to take care of myself, that will not bring me to tears.  What will bring me to tears is thinking about all of the children that don't have access to proper diabetes care or supplies.  I had access since I was diagnosed and I wasted it, a child diagnosed in a low income community does not have the access that I have and had when I wasn't taking care of myself.  That hurts a lot, it is a daily thought, when I test I think about it, when I take insulin I think about it.  

It is tough for me to see people on Facebook or Twitter complain about how bad diabetes is and what a burden it is.  Who are we to complain about diabetes?  We have everything we could possibly need and we are complaining!!  I have said it before and will say it until the day I die "I love diabetes!!" Without diabetes I wouldn't be running a 50 mile race.  Without diabetes I wouldn't be able to run 50 miles!!  Diabetes has taught me what life is all about, in life we face a lot of challenges.  We can either complain and hope people feel bad for us or we can suck it up and give it our all to make the most of our lives no matter the circumstances!!

My view of the world is different because of diabetes.  I have been living with diabetes for twenty-eight years and it took me twenty-three of those years to find people that took control of their diabetes.  They have taken control of their diabetes by running or cycling.  Their view of the world and of diabetes is one that we can all learn from.  Once you stop feeling bad for yourself and looking for attention because someone says something "bad" about diabetes you learn that diabetes is life.  It isn't always easy but we can wakeup in a bed, walk on a warm floor to our meter, open a new syringe and take an injection from one of many pens that we have in our house.  Think before you test or take that next insulin injection, not everyone has the access to what we have.  We need to give back to those living with diabetes that don't have the access to the proper tools!!  I don't know how to do that but I know a group of almost two hundred athletes that do.  I believe in them, I believe they have found the secret to life with diabetes and will do everything in their power to raise diabetes awareness and help those in need of proper diabetes care!!