On the outside they see a thirty-four year old kid that is always smiling, very calm, and cracking jokes.  What they don't see is the twenty-six years of living with diabetes that has made me this way.  This afternoon before leaving work I had an interesting conversation with one of my bosses, I was sitting in the office injecting insulin before driving home and having a small snack.  She would walk in as I inserted the needle and quickly said "I'm sorry" and started to walk away.  Two seconds later I was walking towards her and saying "no worries".  That opened the door to a few diabetes questions, the usual "Does it hurt?" to "What can you eat?"  

As always the conversation turned to my cycling and running and how I use that to manage my diabetes.  As I gave her the Readers Digest version of my past with diabetes and events of late I could see her view of me change.  Obviously everything in my life has made me who I am today.  I've seen and done so much to myself that I know I shouldn't be alive, that is no secret.  When I started a new job I forgot that not everyone knows that about me and what they do see is a guy that loves life and has fun no matter the situation.  They don't see the man that is a motivational speaker when it comes to diabetes or the guy that cries whenever he runs more than ten miles.  

The truth is you can tell a lot about someone when you sit back and watch them for a while, when it comes to diabetes however you can not see the effect it has on someones life.  People can see the insulin injections and the blood sugar tests, they can see when your attitude changes when your blood sugar is out of range.  They can't see the twenty four hour work that it takes to live a great life with diabetes.  They don't see the 2am blood sugar test because you don't feel right. 

This may sound like a little pity party for those living with diabetes but someone that does not have diabetes has their own things in life.  I don't know what my boss does or faces once she leaves work.  That is the point, yes diabetes is a never ending job but it's called life.  I love sharing my story about diabetes and my life, it lets people know the real me.  Diabetes is my life and as always I owe my life to diabetes, without diabetes I don't know what my life would be like and I'm ok with that.  If I had the choice I would choose a life with diabetes over a life without diabetes any day of the week!!

Another classic motivational video.  Personally I love this video because I have been working towards a running dream that I have had for two years and in less than three month I will be running a 50k .  I won't lie, I get discouraged and want to give up but I want it so bad to quit would be stupid.  This video gets me back to where I should be, it calms me and lets me know that it will take a lot of work and to never give up!!

In ten years of working at one job I was lucky enough to work with two amazing teenagers with diabetes. Day in and day out during the summer I would challenge these guys and form a blood sugar competition.

Almost nine months ago I began a new job and was very worried about the diabetes transition and how my blood sugars would adjust to a new job. It took a little bit of time but I would learn how to manage my diabetes at my new job. Once I did I missed the daily blood sugar challenge that I had at my old job, I felt like I was alone and playing with myself!! (That's never fun). Then a new employee started and I saw a blood sugar meter on the office desk that wasn't mine. I felt like a new man.

As always the initial diabetes conversation was awkward and much like a first date with the usual questions, "when were you diagnosed?" and ""Do you like the pump?" Once that was out of the way it got back to a couple of guys working and making the usual dumb jokes that guys make, aka locker room talk.

The best part is that we have a diabetes relationship and are sharing our experiences with one another which does nothing but help both of us. Nothing is better than having a coworker with diabetes!!

No I'm not reliving this classic WWF matchup while sitting on the couch!!  It is official my first 50k will be on May 20th at Kettletown State Park.  The event is put on by Trail 2 Trail, will be very physically demanding and a true test mentally.  I have completed two races that Trail 2 Trail has put on and each one was a test.  When I completed the 30k in October I collapsed at the finish due to dehydration and cramping.  It was a sight, I came out of each race a new man however and knew what I could do.

A 50k is tough, it will test me as an athlete with diabetes.  I will have to make sure that I'm eating properly and most of all hydrated throughout the entire 31 mile race.  The fun doesn't stop once I finish however, I need to keep my blood sugars in range for hours after and make sure I get enough nutrients in me to compete in a 5k the next day in Boston.  

That's correct after finishing a 50k Kate and I will be heading from Hartford to Boston to run the Boston MuckFest!!!  Kate texted me and said she was hoping to run the Mud Fun Run and I said you're going to be sitting watching and worrying about me while I'm killing myself on a 50k the least I can do is run the 5k mud run with you!!  The best part is that no matter how well I do in the 50k the mud run will be nothing but fun!!  

I know that it will be painful but I will also be throwing mud and getting mud thrown at me.  It comes down to this, it will hurt like nothing else I have ever felt but I'm not going to die!!  I might as well have fun and be a kid!!  The most important part is to keep my blood sugars in range so that I can compete to the best of my ability and be the fun outgoing guy as we head to Boston to celebrate with a 5k!!

This morning as I saw on Twitter that Team Novo Nordisk received a wildcard invitation to participate in the Abu Dhabi Tour I went back to when I was a kid and thought about this!!!  Then I acted my age and thought about how great Team Novo Nordisk racing in Abu Dhabi is for the citizens of Abu Dhabi that are living with diabetes.  In the United Arab Emirates one in five citizens are living with diabetes.  When Team Novo Nordisk is racing at the Tour de France in 2021 it is estimated that over one billion dollars will be spent on medical costs when it comes to diabetes.  Team Novo Nordisk will race to the best of their abilities at the Abu Dhabi Tour and as always the fans will be inspired by a team that is racing with diabetes.  Team Novo Nordisk is a feel good story, yes the stories of team members beating the odds and racing with diabetes is amazing but what about the stories of the fans.  That is what makes the team unlike any other team in the world!!  A five year old living with diabetes that sees Team Novo Nordisk race is inspired to change the world, a few hundred meters away is a forty year old person that has had diabetes for twenty years and is still in denial, he is also inspired and has a new outlook on life.  Below is the official press release from Team Novo Nordisk.  

This list is full of suggestions, the suggestions are things that have worked for me, this does not mean that they will necessarily work for you.  As always consult your doctor to find what will work best for you.

1:Stay positive!!  It amazes me how many athletes have such negative thoughts minutes before a race.  No matter what your blood sugar is STAY POSITIVE.  If I'm at 250 before a race I know that the number will go down.  I know that I will have a great race, no matter what the situation always say that to yourself.

2:Find your comfort blood sugar.  I know that I can race with a blood sugar between 90 and 180, when I'm in that range I will race at the best of my ability.  I also know that I need to be around 170 when I start any race.  

3:You can never have to much food.  During a race I always make sure that all of my pockets have plenty of energy gel, quick carbs and Nuun.  I will often finish a race with a lot of leftovers, I would much rather have leftovers than not enough.

4:Don't rely solely on the CGM.  I have made this mistake way to much!!  Take a meter with you!!!  Yes the CGM is great but sometimes it will give you a reading that is not accurate.  You may look odd testing as you run or cycle but it is your life.  The better you know your body the better you will do.

5:Know what works best for you.  I have switched to injections because the pump was causing to many problems while racing.  Could I race with a pump, yes but my blood sugars are in range a lot more with injection.  
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6:Know what your body likes when it comes to food.  Every race day I eat the same thing for breakfast, it doesn't matter if I'm running or cycling, I always have two pieces of wheat toast and two scrambled eggs.  I eat this two hours before the race, that allows me to take a little bit of insulin and have plenty of time for it to wear off.  This also goes for what you keep in your pockets during a race!!  I don't care if you eat Fruit by the Foot while training, if it works for you use it when you race!!  Don't change anything on race day, doing so can cause big problems!!

7:HAVE FUN!!  No matter what you're doing, you are doing something amazing with diabetes!!!  Enjoy every second of it!! I hate that I'm so competitive, I love to race don't get me wrong but I hate that at the finish line I'm usually upset that I didn't finish in a faster time.  During the race and five minutes after the race I always have a smile on my face.  I love what I'm doing, I enjoy every step or every turn of the pedals.  If you're not having fun then what is the point?  

I'm often told that I'm one of the unhappiest happy people in the world.  That comment is followed by "I have never met someone so competitive that likes to have so much fun."  I like to compete in everything that I do, from blood sugars to races, I want to be the best and I will do whatever it takes to be the best.  I've competed with others living with diabetes to see who had the best blood sugars.  

To me having competition in anything that you do makes you work that much harder.  When it comes to my diabetes I always aim to have a blood sugar that is in my set range, my goal is to go two weeks without seeing a blood sugar above my set range.  If I did not have that goal I would not care about my blood sugar as much as I do.  If I had no goals when it comes to my diabetes a blood sugar above my set range wouldn't phase me.  I never want that in my life, as long as my heart is beating I want to be angry when my blood sugar is above or below my set range.

As time passes and you start to achieve your goals it is amazing what that does for your self confidence.  I feel that I can compete with anyone when it comes to the bike, running, or diabetes.  I know that I'm not the best, I know that I can be beat but I want that challenge.  A personal goal is better than any medal or trophy I could ever receive.  At the end of the day I know that I reached a goal that I never thought I could reach.  I believe if we all start small and reach our personal goals that we will all be happier and driven like never before to make and obtain new goals.

2017 is a make or break year for Team Novo Nordisk and they will be able to prove how great they are at Milano-San Remo in March. A grueling and historic 185 mile day versus the best the world has to offer will have Team Novo Nordisk ready for the race. Back in December Team Novo Nordisk members spoke about how great 2017 would be, not even a month in to the new year and this is great news. Below is the press release from Team Novo Nordisk.

To often as diabetics we forget about the mental strain that diabetes puts us through on a daily basis.  It is tough to explain to those that don't have diabetes but I believe that mental stress is one of the toughest parts of the disease.  The mental strain comes from more than just a high or low blood sugar, it comes from a bad A1C reading or from forgetting to take insulin to cover a meal or snack.  It also comes from everyday life, often times decisions have to be made while working so that I can keep my blood sugar in range incase my lunch is later than normal.

That doesn't sound like much but something like that takes its toll day after day.  Talking with others that have diabetes I'm shocked that so many say they have gotten diabetes burnout and have not tested or taken care of themselves the way they should for a day, a week, a month or in my case years.  That is very hard to hear, I was in that state for far to long and to hear that others felt the same way is really tough.  The diabetes community is very strong and we do have people to turn to when we get down but we still don't want the disease everyday.  I can only speak for myself but taking a moment to look around and see the amazing people I have in my life gives me that kick in the butt to suck it up and keep fighting.  That does help a lot but I still have those mental battles inside of my head.  Laying awake in bed some nights, hoping that you wake up the next morning is tough but it comes with the disease.

The mental strain of diabetes will always be present.  Personally I believe that sharing your diabetes fears or stresses are the best remedy.  For someone that deals with so much internally it is odd to say that you should talk but talking about my fears is what has made me love my diabetes so much for the past six years.  Diabetes will always be challenging,  it won't always be easy but when we are able to come together and share our stories and our remedies to help each other that is what makes diabetes so unique and so great.  

Ryan,

Twenty six years ago you were diagnosed with diabetes and as you sat in Rhode Island hospital you feared for your life. You sat there terrified of a disease that you and your family knew nothing about. For the first time in your life you saw your father crying because he was so scared. You sat in a hospital room for a week and saw your mother cry each and everyday. You learned about a disease that could be managed but would probably never be cured. With the diabetes diagnosis came a lot of fear and rightfully so. I'm here to tell you that it turned out just fine and has been one of the best things that has ever happened in your life.

I'm here to tell you that it won't always be easy. In fact you will have ten years of your life wasted because of your dislike for diabetes. The good news is you have nobody but yourself to blame for not taking care of yourself. You saw your parents cry when you were diagnosed but what you didn't see were them crying when you stopped caring for yourself. Later in life you will be mad at them for not helping you but you were to immature to realize that they were trying to help but you turned them and everyone else away.

You will fail a lot before you realize that the key to life with diabetes is taking responsibility for the choices you make. It is also how you view our life. People will make you feel like you don't matter and try to make you feel useless but you will keep fighting and doing amazing with diabetes.

Once you have control of your diabetes and of your life you will do amazing things. You will motivate people with your ability to share your story. You will be a role model for people that you never meet. You will have dreams that you will reach but you will always want more. You will be an inspiration for pro athletes. Diabetes will give you the opportunity to ride your bike in Europe, you will be scared and seek permission from people. I'm here to tell you that if you truly want something than do it. Don't be afraid, you have the talent and are more powerful than you will ever know.

Diabetes is your life and I know that sounds scary but it is the best gift you have ever received. I don't know why you have diabetes but you are better because of it. It will teach you to love life and the people in your life that truly love you. It will make you the most amazing father because you have been through so much in life. That will give you a gift. Don't ever forget that you can do anything.

This afternoon as I drove home from work the temperature was in the mid 50s and feeling very early spring like.  I decided why not take the back roads and cruise down the roads that I ride my bike on all Spring, Summer and Fall.  As I made the turn on to a rural road that is lined with farms I got a chill and went a little faster than I should have.  I was imagining myself on my bike and taking each turn as tight as I could and keeping my breathing regular as I climbed the short steep hills.  Once I arrived home I was treated to members of Team Novo Nordisk posting pictures of being in Spain.  For the past two days my Facebook feed has been filled with team members departing their hometowns and headed to Spain for training camp.

A part of me is very excited for the Team Novo Nordisk training camp and part of me is very angry.  I will start with the excitement, the team members I was able to meet and talk to in Atlanta in December are preparing to change diabetes and dominate the 2017 cycling and running season.  I still can't believe I was able to interview and hang out with these guys.  It was like a seven year old kid from Boston being able to hangout with Tom Brady for the weekend.  As a fan and as an athlete living with diabetes I can't wait for the season to begin.  This is a make or break for the team, the pressure is on and the team is determined to prove that they can compete with the best cyclists in the world.

I said I was also angry that the team is at training camp and that is because I want to be there.  I don't want to be there  because of an invite because of the blog.  I want to be there as a member of the team, last July as I was riding at camp with the development team I quickly realized I could never be a pro cyclist, especially at the age of 33.  Maybe if I was 23 I could work my butt off to reach my dream as a cyclist but being 34 now my cycling career is over.  Can I compete locally, probably but not much more than that.  

What about running though?  I run a seven minute mile, nothing impressive.  I run a 1:45:00 half marathon again not that impressive.  What about races that test someones resolve and mental toughness?  The long distance races that beat you up both mentally and physically, I know how to suffer to achieve.  I have just begun my career as an ultra runner and don't know what to expect but I have a goal and I have a role model thats has shown me that ultra running is possible for anyone living with diabetes.  From 50ks to 100 mile races he has done it all and has taught me that it will hurt but you do it because of what you have in your life.  You fight for what you love and when you do you can do anything.

As Team Novo Nordisk training camp begins in Spain I'm sitting at my desk with the goal of joining them in 2018.  Is it possible? You better believe it is!!!  A team that was built on one mans dream has a 34yr old kid in Connecticut trying to do all that he can to realize his dream.  Win or lose I will be smiling and a better man because I tried as hard as I could to realize my dream.  That is what Team Novo Nordisk is all about and is inspiring everyone living with diabetes!!  

Sometimes you need that little kick in the ass.  It doesn't matter how fast your mile time was, how far you rode on the bike, what your blood sugar was, what you did right or wrong during the day.  No matter how good or how bad things are realizing and looking at everything and how you got to where you are now makes a difference.  

Living with diabetes we often focus on what is wrong, that takes a toll on you and everyone in your life.  As athletes with diabetes we double that focus on perfection.  We want the perfect blood sugars and the perfect times in whatever race we are prepping for.  It isn't easy to realize when we are hurting ourselves but when we do realize that we must take a moment to step back and see what we have accomplished in life.

Personally I use motivational speeches to get myself to that point.  For me listening to a speech allows me to let my brain go to where I was a year ago, five years ago or even when I was a child.  I then look at where I am today and I can smile because I have learned and bettered myself.  What I'm doing today is more impressive than what I was doing a week ago, a year ago and definitley more than five and ten years ago.  I'm a better athlete living with diabetes today, I'm happy about that but will be looking back in a year and realizing I haven't reached my true potential!!  I can always be better!!!

I have a history of having at least one week long sickness each and every year. Sometimes the flu or just the common cold kicks my butt and I will be in the hospital I need of fluids and something that cures whatever bug that I have.

For the the past two years I have been taking sound probiotics and having amazing results. In fact this year I didn't have to waste a week of sick/vacation time because I was sick. It is well known that I run my body down and with that comes a risk of getting sick. A healthy diet and probiotics help but I'm always looking for more and I'm happy that I have found a vitamin that I trust.

For the the past few years I have been using Nuun as my go to beverage while on the bike, after races and in everyday life . Nuun keeps me hydrated which until Nuun was nearly impossible, I walk around the house with a gallon of water threw in Mio and thought I'd be good. I was wrong, I'd drink and drink and nothing. Being on the bike and running so much I lose a ton of electrolytes, sodium and water. I have since replaced Mio with Nuun and have been hydrated. That is why I'm so excited to try Nuun vitamins. Nuun has a very good track record with me, I trust their products and will stand behind their products. Hydration and vitamins in one you can't beat it!!! To learn about Nuun vitamins follow this link https://nuunlife.com/blog/introducing-nuun-vitamins

The 2017 race season will begin on Saturday in Narragansett.  With the weather getting more seasonable and a little snow forecast for tonight and Saturday afternoon the race on Saturday should be fun.  The race is right along the water and a race that I ran for the first time last year.  Last year I remember that it was very cold and windy.  I also remember that I ran like crap and let the conditions dictate how I ran.  I ran a very poor time of 25:56.4 and finish 76th.  

This year I'm lighter, healthier and in a much better state mentally.  That means I will not even come close to finishing at that time.  I don't care about the weather or the wind, I have a goal this season and will do whatever it takes to be better.  That means making sure that my blood sugars are in range from the second I wake up Saturday morning until a few hours after the race Saturday afternoon.  Obviously I always strive to be in range but will get a little more upset than usual if I don't have near perfect blood sugars before the race.  

Over the past three months I have learned a few things, I hate road running, I love trail running, and trail running has made me a better runner.  I'm not sure why but I can't run on the road, I don't know if it is the boring scenerary or not being with "nature" but while running on the road I quickly become very bored.  When it comes to running trails, I could run for days!!  I love everything about it, the sound of the birds, the sights and sounds of being in the woods, and the calmness that comes over me while running trails.

After a fun New Years Eve I had planned on going on a nice run outside of Boston around 7am before heading to breakfast.  The alarm went off and I layed in bed wondering if I wanted to run, I eventually decided to get back to bed and sleep for a little longer.  Luckily I was able to head for a trail run when we arrived home around 2pm.  As much as I didn't want to run in the morning I wanted to run the trails so badly.  Obviously I will not have the luxury of picking when I can run as time goes on but starting the year off with a short yet relaxing trail run was just what I needed to start the year.

As I said I celebrated New Years Eve and the ball drop.  I did so with a few drinks and some food that I don't usually eat.  The best part was that I was very aware of my blood sugars the entire night and was able to keep my blood sugars in range all night and into the morning.  As much as training runs and training rides help me when I race being able to keep my blood sugars in range while I have a drink or two and stray from my normal diet gives me tremendous confidence as an athlete living with diabetes.  I have a long way to go before my first race of 2017 but so far so good!!