Those are my only memories from that day, I have written my story and shared enough. Everyone knows what I have gone through and how I shouldn't be alive, how I was in denial and now am doing amazing things with diabetes. As I awoke this morning and prepared my supplies to speak again at the local high school I broke down. That would be a common theme today. For the first time in twenty four years I finally know what this disease is about and what it does to not only my life but to the lives of the people closest to me. I can't think about my parents and my diagnosis without crying like a child that lost his favorite toy. I mean "Sharkie" or "Minnie" cough or fall and I'm a nervous wreck, I'm peeking in their rooms to make sure their ok as they sleep. I can't imagine what my parents were thinking and how scared they were. They did a great job, they did the best they could and I messed it up and it even worse for them. I basically tried to kill myself for fifteen years and they had to watch all of it, I lied to them about everything in my life for fifteen years. I can't fix that, not a day goes by that I don't think about how I messed up their lives and my own. I don't want to hear "But look what you are doing now" I can't fix fifteen years of being a loser.
The you my wife. Why is she still with me, another person that I lied to over and over again. I have treated her like crap and still she is by my side. She has dealt with the low blood sugar temper, the rage that comes with high blood sugars. She sat by my side as I was told I should be dead and got yelled at by a doctor. She saved my life, she got me my first road bike, she made the man that is doing of this good for diabetes. She doesn't get the attention, she sits by my side, watches me race my bike, watches me speak and does nothing but support me. I treated her like crap and can't fix that, we are a normal couple, we have good days and bad days. We yell at each other but I can never be mad at her, I lay in bed every night and think how lucky I am to have her, when I wake up I smile because I'm alive and that smile gets bigger as I try my best to not wake her as I go to make my breakfast at 430 in the morning.
I have amazing friends, I have new friends and one that watched me speak this afternoon and that was in shock when he heard just how much bad I did to myself in fifteen years. After twenty-four years of living with diabetes it all hit me today, I finally understand the disease, it has taught me more about life than anything else could. He has taught me how to live, how to appreciate every little thing from having a heart rate of 180 while riding my bike and seeing the sunrise to seeing "Sharkie" and "Minnie" crawl, walk and talk. Without diabetes I don't believe that I would be enjoying my life as much as I do. I love my parents, my wife and my friends they are my life. I loved my diabetes before today but on a day of reflection I believe that I finally understand and respect my diabetes. I owe my life to diabetes, that sounds crazy but is so true!!