Those are my only memories from that day, I have written my story and shared enough. Everyone knows what I have gone through and how I shouldn't be alive, how I was in denial and now am doing amazing things with diabetes. This morning I went for a ride and reflected on the past twenty-seven years with diabetes, I cried and laughed. For the first time in twenty seven years I finally know what this disease is about and what it does to not only my life but to the lives of the people closest to me. I can't think about my parents and my diagnosis without crying like a child that lost his favorite toy. I mean "Sharkie" or "Minnie" cough or fall and I'm a nervous wreck. I can't imagine what my parents were thinking and how scared they were. They did a great job, they did the best they could and I messed it up and made it even worse for them. I basically tried to kill myself for fifteen years and they had to watch all of it, I lied to them about everything in my life for fifteen years. I can't fix that, not a day goes by that I don't think about how I messed up their lives and my own. I don't want to hear "But look what you are doing now" I can't fix fifteen years of being a loser.
Then you have Kate, my amazing fiancé. Before we even started dating she cared, as I coached she would see my blood sugars and suggest some more skittles or some more insulin if the game was getting the best of me and my blood sugar was rising out of range. She has been the one to challenge me and do it in a way that only she can. She knows how I operate and knows that when my eyes get "weird" that I need something to get my blood sugar back in range. I mean just a few months into dating she saved my life!! She is amazing and I can't thank her enough for all that she does. She makes the bad days better and the good days great!! I'm honored to call her mine and still don't know how I'm lucky enough to marry someone that is so amazing.
Diabetes has taught me how to live, how to appreciate every little thing from having a heart rate of 190 while riding my bike and seeing the sunrise to seeing "Sharkie" and "Minnie" grow and become the best kids in the world. Without diabetes I don't believe that I would be enjoying my life as much as I do. I love my family and my friends, they are my life. I loved my diabetes before today but on a day of reflection I believe that I finally understand and respect my diabetes. I owe my life to diabetes, that sounds crazy but is so true!!