For twenty-eight years I have been living with diabetes, I can honestly say it has been twenty-eight years of amazing.  I have been very lucky when it has come to living with diabetes, I went far to long without taking care of myself but I'm still living.  I was told I should be dead and an endocrinologist refused to care for me.  Somehow, someway I pushed on and got my life back.  I have turned into a decent cyclist and runner, I have embraced my life with diabetes and have never been happier with my life.  I was then faced with a moment that scared me to death, what follows are my feelings and my experience.  I share all of what I can do with diabetes on this blog and I feel that some people believe it is a lie, I'm human and far from perfect but at the end of the day I'm living with diabetes and not invincible.

Three days after running a 50k I played in a golf tournament for work.  It would be a great day with coworkers that have become close friends in less than a year.  One coworker that I have become very close with would be in the foursome and acted like a big brother when we signed in for the tournament.  "They have some soda and water over there, grab four we will need them while we are playing"  Why would I think he was looking out for me?  It was in the low 90s and I figured I was grabbing fluids for the group.  The round started perfectly, I was splitting fairways with mammoth drives, the drink cart brought us Gatorade and some food four holes in and I was laughing my butt of playing with my friends.

As we completed the 9th hole we headed to the clubhouse for lunch, I made sure to test my blood sugar even though my CGM said that I was 103.  My blood sugar was at 92, a little low so I decided taking insulin for a hot dog, cookie and Gatorade would be foolish.  Again I had just run a 50k and my blood sugars were staying at the lower end of my range for the past two days.  We headed off to play the final nine holes and my blood sugar slowly crept up to around 230, nothing crazy but in need of some insulin to get back in range.  With three holes left I took four units of insulin in my lower abdomen.  I figured that this would cover the slight high blood sugar and the ice cream bar that was waiting for us on the 16th hole.  I was feeling good, nothing could go wrong!!

As we pulled up to the cooler on the 16th hole we all jumped out of the golf cart like little kids and opened the cooler to find our ice cream treasure.  The cooler was empty and my good feeling left with the guy that took the last ice cream!!  Everything would be ok I though, I have soda with me thanks to a good friend, I also have candy in the car and I can get soda at the dinner just in case my blood sugar dropped.  My blood sugar would drop and do so extremely quickly, I went from 230 to 100 in three holes of golf, taking an injection in my abdomen while golfing was dumb!!  I drank my soda, ate my candy and headed to the dinner just down the road.

The foursome I was in found a table and I quickly excused myself to go get a soda to fix my blood sugar.  As I payed I smiled and thought I'll be ok, just to be safe I grabbed three dinner rolls to help get my blood sugar back up.  I sat at the table and drank one of the sodas in about a minute and started in on the dinner rolls.  As I ate my roll I broke out in a sweat and felt sick to my stomach.  I sat back and excused myself again, this time I was questioned by my buddy Matt "You ok?"  I answered quickly "Yea just need to go to the bathroom"  with that I was off.  

Ten feet from the bar I knew I needed help as my legs started to feel like rubber and walking was becoming difficult.  I leaned on the bar and thought to myself, please don't do this here.  I leaned against the bar and asked for an orange juice, next thing I know my legs gave out and I was down on my back.  I was conscious but not a 100%, this video shows how I was feeling as I laid on my back at a dinner with about 200 people.  I was on my back and surrounded by 4 people very quickly, I pointed to my wrist and said "I'm a type one diabetic, I need sugar"  Packets of sugar and my glass of orange juice quickly appeared, I pounded a packet of sugar, stood up and drank half of my orange juice.  I then walked over to a side room with one of the greatest people I have ever met.  For ten minutes she took care of me and made sure I was ok, we talked and I asked how she knew so much about diabetes.  I smiled as she told me about her daughter that was my age and living with diabetes.  

Obviously I was ok, I was embarrassed but I was good.  The toughest part since that moment was telling my future wife, my parents, and my future in-laws what had happened.  I honestly believe that it should have never happened, I thought I had done everything correctly.  I didn't have glucose tabs on me because I was around soda, juice and food all day.  I wasn't honest with my friends when I said I was ok before going down.  I messed up!!  To say this moment has changed my view on the world is an understatement, this was the first moment like this since I was ten.  I felt invincible, I'm not going to sugar coat it.  I thought I was better than my diabetes and I learned my lesson.  I cut corners and paid the price.  We only get one life, even if I'm surrounded by food and drink I need to take every step to make sure I have all of the diabetes supplies I would need if I was in an empty room for ten hours.  Never ever think that you are better than diabetes!!

It is amazing seeing what some people will eat and drink before a race.  Be it a bike race or a running race, I will always see people with Red Bull or some kind of candy bar.  Having diabetes and being an "athlete" is one of the best things in life.  By having diabetes I have learned just how bad certain foods can be for you.  

My pre-race routine starts when I wake up the day of the race.  I will have a couple eggs, toast and fruit to start the day.  I will be getting my protein and some carbs with that meal.  With most races beginning around 9am my breakfast is very important.  The bowl of pasta a couple nights before is my gasoline to get me through any race but the meal before a race starts my engine.  I will often eat a handful of almonds and some blueberries to get me pumped up before a race.  The energy drinks and candy bars have no nutritional value.  It is all caffeine and garbage.  My body does not need that pre-race.

I call it my little diabetes secret but natural foods are the best for natural energy.  I'm clearly not a top tier athlete but eating healthy and training correctly help me beat a few people that may be more physically gifted than myself.

The best part of writing my blog is having the chance to meet and talk with others living with diabetes.  Each person living with diabetes has their own unique story and being able to hear those stories helps so many others that are living with diabetes.  In December I had the honor of sitting down with Program Director of Medical and Governmental Affairs for the Team Type 1 Foundation and Chief Consultant for the World Health Organization, International Diabetes Center and Mayo Clinic, Dr. Biljana Southerland.  In this conversation I was inspired to do all that I can for the Team Type 1 (TT1) Foundation.

The Team Type 1 Foundation was established with the mission to “instill hope and inspiration for people around the world affected by diabetes.” The foundation believes that with appropriate diet, exercise, treatment and technology, anyone with diabetes can achieve their dreams.  Each year the Team Type 1 Foundation Provides educational scholarships for young athletes with Type 1 diabetes, and having those athletes serve as spokespersons to further achieve the foundations goals.  The Global Ambassador program aims to foster young leaders in diabetes, not only providing financial scholarships, but also training on becoming visible advocates for the diabetes community and role models for the next generation of young type 1 athletes. 58 applicants received funding in the 2015-2016 school year, with 5 receiving $5,000, 5 receiving $2,500, and 51 receiving $1,000 – for a total of $85,500 in funding. The current awardees span 13 different sports – including football, soccer, swimming and more.  

With the help of Dr. Biljana Southerland and others I was able to connect with Peninah Benjamin.  Peninah is one of  58 recipients of the 2015-2016 school year athletic scholarship from Team Type 1.  Over a month of emails I learned a lot about Peninah and about her diabetes story.  In that month I also learned that Peninah is a very determined and hard working individual that found time to email me and take part in the interview while studying and taking finals at Dartmouth College in Hanover, New Hampshire!!  Below is a truly inspirational interview that shows anything is possible with diabetes, Peninah is an inspiration and demonstrates what the Team Type 1 Foundation is all about!!

After being diagnosed with diabetes did you ever think you would be able to play a sport again.  Did your doctors say that playing a sport was possible with diabetes?  

I was diagnosed with diabetes at the end of second grade, when I was seven years old. When I was diagnosed, I did not know what diabetes was or what it meant. All I knew is what I heard the doctors say, more finger pricks and an insulin shot every day. I was very active in second grade and did soccer, dance, and lots of other sports. Luckily, I was surrounded by friends and family who knew me as me and did not look at me any differently. To me, diabetes never stood in the way of doing anything, it was just another thing I had to take care of.

Being in high school and college with diabetes can be very difficult, how do you balance everything from studying for finals, road trips, and social events?

By the time I got to high school, I kind of forgot what it was like to not have diabetes. I could not remember a day not waking up, checking my blood sugar, counting carbs, and taking insulin. It is just another part of me, but not something that defines me. Just like I have to back my bag for when we travel for sailing regattas, or pack my clothes, I never think twice about also having to pack my bag for diabetes supplies for the weekend.

The only time that really stood out to me was when I returned this past January for our second quarter after winter break. Two days before classes started, I got a stomach bug and was constantly low, but also had ketones. I had to use the glucagon shot for the first time ever, and all this was in my dorm room with my two roommates. They were always there for me, but it was scary at first and not having my parents, but instead having to do this all on my own.
 
How did you learn about the Team Type 1 Scholarship? 

When I was first diagnosed, my family and I went to the Children with Diabetes (CWD) Conference in Orlando, Florida where I first met Phil Southerland. There I learned about Team Type 1, but I was only eight years old, so was not aware of the Team Type 1 Scholarship. Once junior year came around in high school I was looking online for diabetes scholarships and found the Team Type 1 Foundation again. I was always interested in Team Type 1 because it focused on athletes living a healthy lifestyle, and I like their mission.
I am also involved with an organization called AYUDA (American Youth Understanding Diabetes Abroad) and Nick Cuttris, the founder of AYUDA, also told me about the scholarship with Team Type 1.
 
How have your teammates helped you when it comes to competing with diabetes?

From running cross country and track and sailing in high school and now sailing in college, my teammates have always been there for me. They are always interested in learning more about diabetes, which makes me feel more comfortable. This past spring break we were on our training trip in Charleston, and one night I gave a presentation about Team Type 1. Since then, my teammates have been so much more interested in diabetes, always asking question and interested in my health. They love checking in on my blood sugar, watching me give insulin on my pump, and looking at the trends on my CGM.

What has the Team Type 1 Foundation taught you about life with diabetes?

I have learned the importance of empowerment and mentorship. Although I have been lucky to grow up with family, friends, and doctors who always believed in me, that is not always the case. The power of role models and mentors go a long way because they show what is possible, whether other people believe it or not. The foundation has taught the significance of fighting and standing up for what you believe in.
 
What is your dream?  What is your diabetes dream?

Ultimately, I dream for a day that we find a cure for Type 1 Diabetes. However, diabetes has given me so much over the past eleven years, and I am a different person because of it. I have met so many people and have done so many things because of diabetes, that I would not take away.
 
If you could tell someone that was diagnosed with diabetes at the same age as you what would you say to that person?

When I was diagnosed in second grade, my teacher told the class that diabetes was like wearing glasses. Although now I realize that diabetes is much more serious than wearing glasses, the point was that diabetes does not stop you from doing anything. Diabetes has never held me back or stopped me from doing anything with friends, sports, academics, or traveling. I’ve never thought that I could not do something because of diabetes. Whether it’s playing a sport, singing, acting, theater, or whatever it may be, diabetes is just there, and you can control it. Don’t change and don’t let it change you.
 
Who is your diabetes role model?

The summer after I was diagnosed, my family and I went to Children with Diabetes where I met many people living healthy and amazing lives with diabetes. As a newly diagnosed eight-year-old, I met Olympic Ultra marathoner Missy Foy. Missy told our young group that when she was first diagnosed, she was told she might not be able to run competitively anymore. I couldn’t believe anyone could be limited by this condition. Needless to say, Missy proved them wrong, and she challenged us to reach for the stars.

I also met Nicole Johnson, former Miss America. Nicole is a highly visible role model and advocate for people living with T1D. Nicole has been a mentor and role model and shared her passions about making a difference. I admire Nicole and set out to make a difference in my own way.

Nine days ago I was completing a 50k and was thinking the pain sucks but that was everything I thought it would be and more. I figured after a few days I'd be able to feel my legs again and walk like normal again. That happened but what I didn't expect was what the race would do to my blood sugars, the past week has been a roller coaster ride of blood sugars.

I have adjusted how much insulin I take with meals and my long acting. The race did a number on my muscles and my body is just now feeling normal. I will be returning to the bike and running starting on Wednesday morning, the problem is I don't know how my body will respond. Physically I will be ok, I believe enough time has passed and that my muscles will be ok. It might not be the fastest bike ride but it will be fun.

As always it will be very important that I have everything that I need to keep my blood sugar in range while riding. From Gatorade to cliff bars, but I also need to make sugar I have a fast acting glucose just in case I fall out of range. If I have learned anything this past week it is that I can do extreme events but that managing my blood sugar is the biggest event and the most important event.

I will do my best to put my first 50k in to words.  It was a life changing day as an athlete, was it the best race I have ever run?  Not even close!!  I have a lot to learn about running ultra marathons.  I had a plan going into the race and for the most part I executed the plan perfectly.  I had one little hiccup and it cost me, I don't usually give out my blood sugar numbers but to recap the race I believe it is important that I do so.

Pre race everything was perfect, I woke up with my blood sugar right where I wanted it to be.  I took a couple units of insulin to cover my pre race meal and it was smooth sailing as I toed the line.  As I stood at the start line the usual pre race nerves were nowhere to be found.  I knew I had a very long day ahead of me.  I knew that I needed to take it slow and save myself to hopefully have a nice kick with ten miles left.  

For the first ten miles I was doing very well, the course was extremely tough.  Below is the video of the hike up to the summit and a majority of the course.  I expected the course to be rocky and technical but I didn't expect conditions like that for every mile.  I couldn't descend like I wanted to, that is my strong point but because of the rocks and roots I had to be very cautious and had to slowly jog or walk down.  I made it up to the summit, back down, and back to the summit in a time that I was eyeing when I mapped out my race plan.

After going to the summit twice my legs were feeling the burn.  This made the rest of the race interesting, nothing major happened until mile twenty five.  I was hitting all of the rest stops with perfect blood sugars and was feeling strong.  Once I got to the aid stations I got what I needed and then walked for five to ten minutes to try and let the food settle before getting back to a slow jog.  That worked perfectly, my legs were burning but for the most part my spirits were high.  At mile 17ish I started to feel the pain and wonder why I was doing this, I had removed my headphones after the first five miles but found myself turning to my phone to get me smiling again.  It wasn't music that would help me though, it was my children, I looked at pictures and watched videos of my kids being kids.  I cried like a little kid but I was a new person after doing that.  My pace picked up and I had some fun texting pictures of myself running to Kate, my uncle and my parents.  True me in the picture below!!

At mile 22 the fun started, all day my blood sugar stayed right around 100.  The last rest stop was at mile 20 and I was doing good I had water, a waffle and a gel to get me to mile 25 and the next rest stop.  I started to get angry at mile 22 though, a low blood sugar anger.  I was wondering why I wanted to walk and why I wasn't motivated to keep kicking ass, before I could figure it out I got a text from my mother telling me to eat as my blood sugar read 74 on my CGM.  I ate but not a ton, I knew the rest stop would have oranges, soda, M&Ms, pretzels and peanut butter and jelly.  My blood sugar stayed at 74 as I got to the rest stop, I looked at the table and it was empty!!  I was in trouble, I figured I'd talk to the medic and ask him to test my blood sugar.  He couldn't but offered to call the ambulance.  I was getting pissed and said I'll be ok and said I'd continue.  That wasn't an option, the medic said "I can't let you go, sit down and eat something"  He would call the medic and told me I had two options, test and if my blood sugar is ok I can continue, if it was below 70 I'd be pulled out of the race.  5.5 miles from finishing my first 50k and I'll be pulled out!!!  Are you kidding, I'm not getting a DNF, I didn't work to quit five miles from the finish!!  Of course it took about twenty minutes for the ambulance to show up, by that time the soda, oranges and all the food had been replenished so I was doing well.  I got my blood sugar was tested and I was at 78, so I was a little lower than I had thought.  My aunt and uncle were with me after I tested and asked what I needed, I said "I need to finish!!".  My uncle would offer to pace me to the finish but I declined and said thanks but I got this.  

The last 5 miles were extremely tough.  I was basically out on my feet, my blood sugar was ok but sitting for an hour had caught up to me.  My body started to shut down and think everything was over.  My aunt and uncle would meet up with me a couple of miles from the finish and I didn't even know it was them.  I would finish and enjoy a nice cold beer with my aunt and uncle to celebrate what I had just done.

I finished!!  I ran a 50k!!  I was told I should be dead, I have been doubted and given up on so many times.  I finally found people in my life that believe in me and help me.  I have two kids that have changed my life, I have a girlfriend that will be wearing new jewelry soon.......I have everything I have ever wanted!!  I'm not a perfect person, I have failed a lot in my life but I kept working.  That sounds a lot like the 50k and how I ran.  I learned more about myself in running this race but I also believe I reached my ultimate goal.  I taught my children that no matter what life presents you with, you can do whatever you dream of.  At the end of the day what someone says or thinks of you doesn't have to be your destiny.  People will try to hold you back, people will makeup reasons as to why you can't reach your dream but it isn't their dream, it is yours!!  Always believe in yourself and surround yourself with people that truly love you and will do anything for you.  Hard work is all you need to be happy in life because that hard work will get you through school, work, and all of the challenges that life presents!!  We only get one chance at life, we might as well enjoy everything that it has to offer!!

I completed my first 50k on Saturday and I'm sure many are expecting to hear how it went and how my blood sugar handled the race.  The thing is I learned so much during and after the race that I'm still trying to figure out how to write about it.  A full race report is coming but tonight I want to share what I learned before, during, and after the race.

The amount of self exploration that is done during an endurance race is incredible.  I learned more about myself and life on Saturday than in thirty-four years of life.  I loved my life before the race, I have an amazing girlfriend, two of the best kids in the world, and a family that loves me more than I could ever ask.  All of that helped me during the race but after the race my appreciation for life changed.  Calling Kate and my parents took on a whole new meaning Saturday afternoon.  I enjoyed the ride back to my aunt and uncles house because I took it all in.  I enjoyed the views, the heart to heart talk with my uncle, and the the sounds of nature while driving.  In that moment it hit me that life isn't that complicated, it is what we are born with that makes life.  I want to give my children and Kate the best that life has to offer, that doesn't mean the best electronics or the best gifts.  Life is all about love and helping others, the smiles on my children's face while playing in the pool and the cutest sticky notes all over the apartment from Kate are better than anything car or big screen tv.

The past few days have been difficult when it has come to my blood sugars and insulin.  My body is beat and I haven't been helping it recover, a golf tournament today, go kart racing Sunday, and working all day Monday have delayed a full recovery.  I've been out of range a lot but nothing crazy,  tomorrow is the beginning of starting to train for what is next.  Yes, the omelets, beers, Little Debbie snacks, and fast food have been good but that isn't me.  Yes I have been doing everything right for as long as I can remember so to have some fun and having a "bad" diet for a few days isn't horrible but again isn't me.  Running, cycling, perfect blood sugars and a healthy diet are my life.  I love my life and love what is next!!

"Not many people get to go to bed, putting their head on the pillow and feeling so good about how...you know the life they have created for themselves..."

This is it, no more training. Everything has been done, the 50k is this Saturday and I'm ready to go. This afternoon I went for a very peaceful but eye opening hike with "sharky" and "Minnie". The fun that they have while hiking is what life is all about. No thinking just enjoying every step and smiling, as I sat back and watched the smile on my face was the size of the rock that the kids were playing on.

Despite what some might say this race isn't for me, it is for them. My two kids that have given me a new view of the world. Will running a 50k help them? I don't know but it's something that I can do to show them that life isn't always easy but hard work pays off and that you can realize your dream.

The range of emotions in my body is crazy right now. The number of thoughts I'll have while running will have me crying. Looking at a Thomas the tank engine bracelet will tell me to keep fighting. Seeing a butterfly will let me know that life is bad but that people do care and can change your life. Thinking of kate will have me smiling and thinking about the next steps in life and what is next. The race is for everyone but me. It is for the best parents in the world, it is for the best kids in the world, it's for the best brother in the world, it's for everyone that has believed in me and never gave up on me. It's for Kate, the one that has changed my life and taught me that if you aren't happy what's the point. She has taught me to realize my dreams, that you fail and not realize your dream but you will learn more about yourself in the pursuit of a dream even if you don't realize that said dream.

​Ill be be back on Sunday to write about the 50k until then enjoy my posts on social media that will give you an inside look at the trip to my first 50k!!

The Dexcom Follow App has been a lifesaver and will be used as I run this weekend.  For the past nine months Kate has been following me with the Dexcom Follow App, she has gotten alerts while at work, while out with friends, and while asleep right next to me.  When not by my side if my blood sugar drops below the set range I will get a text from Kate asking if I'm ok which is followed by a picture of the orange juice and granola bar that I'm eating.  This weekend while I'm racing she will know what my blood sugar is during every second of the race.  Kate will be in Boston for work and unable to attend the race, she thinks I'm crazy but has supported me every day and will be excited for me on Saturday.  She will be nervous about my blood sugar but if it is within my race range she will know all is well.

Kate is the only person to ever follow me on the app.  However this weekend my mother may get a free trial this weekend.  For years I have been hesitant about inviting my mother to follow me.  My mothers love comes with a lot of worry, as does any mothers.  That is why I have been so scared to invite her to follow my blood sugars.  I know my mother, she would or will stay up until 3am making sure my blood sugars are ok.  If the alarm sounds I will take years off her life, especially if it was while I'm asleep.  She knows Kate has and will take care of me and that helps her sleep a little better every night but what about when I'm alone at a race?  If that alarm sounds and she knows I'm out on a trail what will that do to her?  I don't know and she will not know either.

 I'm letting my mother follow my blood sugars because I'm confident that I will be in range while racing.  When it comes to racing I have never felt better.  Yes the race will kick my ass but I come in to the race stronger than I have ever been.  I know when I need to eat and know what to do when it comes to insulin.  I might not win the race but I will win the diabetes management award.  For seven hours my mother will be watching my blood sugars, I can't let her down.  

In five days I will be running my first 50k, the time for motivation is long gone.  If I'm not excited or motivated to run I will not finish on Saturday.  I'm ready mentally and physically, but I'm also nervous.  I have run the race in my mind a few times today as I drove all over Connecticut and Massachusetts for work.  I know what pace I want to be at for the first third of the race, I also know that I want to run the last third of the race faster than the first two thirds.

I know what I need to do to be successful on Saturday, I know what I need to do diabetes wise as well.  My long acting insulin intake will drop dramatically starting Wednesday night.  My long training runs have ended with blood sugars that are out of range.  That has taught me that I can't just lower my long acting insulin the day before, that wont work.  I have found what foods will work this week to have me ready for the race, a week of pasta, salmon and potatoes will be my "secret" foods.  I have my baby food ready for the race but am nervous on what I need to eat while running.  I have power bars but will my stomach be able to handle it?  If I puke while racing, I puke and move on, nothing will stop me!!

Five days to go and I've never felt so good before a race.  Two years of training and becoming mentally strong will payoff on Saturday!!

No matter the age we all dream of riding the same bikes as the pros. For most of us this is just dream, but now everyone has a chance to win the same bike that the members of Team Novo Nordisk ride!! All you have to do to be entered is head to www.teamnovonordisk.com/win-colnago-team-bike-details-official-rules/ to see the official rules and regulations. From there you can fill out the entry form and signup for The Team Novo Nordisk newsletter!! Be sure to signup sooner rather that later as the contest will come to a close on September 30th 2017!!

The chance to win a bike is great but I'm also very excited for the team newsletter!! The newsletter is just another example of Team Novo Nordisk going further than any other team to make sure their fans know everything about the first and only pro team to have a roster made up of athletes living with diabetes!! Although details of the newsletter have not been released I'm hoping to see everything from rider profiles to race reports. The possibilities are endless!!

As I have changed over the years my close friends have changed as well.  Since offically signing up for 50k I have found that the few very close friends that I have, are the ones that care and believe in me.  I have a lot of different levels of friends, a large group I have never met but we keep in contact via social media and they are nothing but supportive when it comes to my diabetes and endurance events.  The members of this group belong to a very special team that is changing diabetes.  

The second is a group of close friends that I have been losing contact with more and more as I have become more concerned with training and my diabetes.  This is the group of friends that don't get how the endurance training and diabetes work.  This group listens and asks questions but doesn't have a true interest.  This is the group that will make fun of the cycling kits, shaving my legs and my diet.  I'm sorry but that is my life, I tried to fit in and be cool for these guys and that was when I didn't have control of my life and my diabetes.  This is odd to say but diabetes is my partner, if you don't get it or pick fun at how I manage my diabetes then don't expect me to divulge information about my life like I would with close friends.

The last group is the true close friend.  They don't get me but they care and they believe in me.  Over the past few weeks I have had a number of good friends reach out and ask how the training is going.  They listen and find it hard to believe that someone can run a 50k.  They also ask about my diabetes and are truly concerned about my blood sugars while running.  

What does this blog have to do with diabetes?  It has everything to do with diabetes, I hope that it shows readers that the people who ask questions and truly care are your real friends.  Making fun of something because you don't understand it doesn't help anyone, it hurts and leads to people hiding their diabetes because they don't think it is cool.  As I have gotten older I have found that finding people that truly care is tough.  Diabetes makes finding true friends a lot easier, many people won't understand how diabetes works but if they are a true friend they will take the time to learn. 

Living with diabetes has made me very strong mentally, on a daily basis I have to face numbers that make me feel as though I did something wrong or have failed.  Depression from diabetes is a real thing, far to many living with diabetes feel depressed when a blood sugar reading is out of range.  It has taken me almost twenty-seven years of living with diabetes to realize that not every blood sugar reading will be perfect and that it is ok.  You take every blood sugar reading and move on, if it is out of range you do all that you can to get back in range.

As an endurance athlete I have learned very quickly that you must be mentally strong to race an ultra.  If you are not prepared mentally then you can forget about racing well, and in most cases even finishing!!  In just twelve days I have my first 50k!!  About a month ago I was not ready mentally, I felt good and knew I could finish a 50k but I didn't believe in myself, I didn't have the killer instinct!!

It is no secret that I will not win The North Face Endurance Challenge at Wachusett Mountain.  Don't tell me that though, right now I'm at a spot that I believe I will compete.  I'm happy that it is just the 50k going off at 7am, I'll be able to pace myself properly and won't have to worry about chasing down someone that is running the 20k.  In fact I know that my mental strength will have me passing people after the 20 mile mark.  I'm mentally stronger than any runner in the field (I don't know if that is true) my life experiences hurt a heck of a lot more than running a 50k and not being able to walk for a day or two.  The pain of the race will heal, no matter what happens I will be ok.  In life I have lost best friends, seen family members pass away and a whole lot more.  The life pain will stay with me forever, the pain from any race goes away.

​In twelve days I will be at the start line and I will be listening to this song, yes Mike Tyson was a monster but that mindset is a must for any athlete.  I don't agree with his life choices but if you take that out of the equation Mike Tyson had the most powerful mind ever in sports.  It is that mindset that will help me as I run my first of (possibly) many endurance races!!

Today I go to another website for my post.  I believe the text below is very motivating and we all need that little extra push somedays.  The text is from this website, I don't have rights to it I just find it very motivating.  Some of the language is  for adults so be warned.  ENJOY!!

Success is a very, very lonely road. Very few people are willing to make the sacrifices and take the pain to be successful. It’s an uphill battle and along that road, you’re not going to see too many friends. You’re going to see your shadow most often. You gotta trust in the heart of hearts – inside that what you’re doing, what you believe in is a worthy cause and a winnable fight. See, the thing is for many people – they’ve tried the same path that you’re on and they failed. As you walk this journey you’re going to see carcasses of people that walked this place. People that didn’t quite have it… And that should inspire you because you got further than that person and that person. But you’re not looking to get further than them, you’re looking to finish. But how do you know you’re on the right path? Where do you go to ensure that?

You talk to your neighbor? No, you don’t talk to him. You say “Hey man, I’m looking to lose some weight. I need some help”. He’s going to encourage you at first saying “Yeah you should, yeah you should” basically insulting your ass and your fat. It’s not support – it’s negative shit. So you start to lose some weight, take some of his advice, you start to get in shape a little bit – maybe at his level now. Then he’s going to start asking questions, his tones’ going to shift as you get better. Then he’s going to start talking shit because what happens is – your success is like a spotlight shining down on their missed opportunities.

Success – many will love you for it. The majority will hate you. Because your success makes them feel insufficient in their current endeavor. Reminds them of how they could’ve done it but came up short and didn’t revisit it, where they went at it and failed and didn’t revisit it again. The difference between a winner and a loser – the failure is there every time, but the winner gets back  up and does it again and again until it goes his way. So now you’re on that path all alone… but how do you know you’re on the right path? How do you know what you’re doing is the right way? If you’re wondering if you’re on the right path – look at the small things in life. When you wash your car and you’re washing for a good hour and you put the hose and everything away and come outside to look at the job you did and notice a spot you missed – what do you do? Do you grab the hose and pull it all out and finish the job right or do you say “nah that’s good enough”? The thing about good enough is we don’t know about what good enough is. We don’t know until the nth hour, the final hour, when everything is on the line. That’s when we find out if that’s enough. And if we come up short – man doesn’t that suck?

I promise you guys if you never say “good enough”, tomorrow you will always have enough. It’s the character of who you are – it’s not the title that makes you, it’s not the success that makes you. It’s the character that defines the success and defines the fame and it starts right there. Championships aren’t won in the theater of the arena. They are won in the thousands of hours of training and the 5 AM runs in the rain when everyone else is sleeping. That’s where it’s won. The heart of a champion is a light switch that’s always on – it doesn’t go on and off when someone’s watching – it’s constant. It’s how you look at something if your name is attached to it – that you do it right – every single time. If you’re dusting your counter tops – do you dust around the picture frame? Or do you pick the mother fucker up and dust the entire thing? Do the job right or don’t do it at all. That’s the same person who has his hand raised on the podium. That’s the same mother fucker. How you hold yourself in the small things in life build the character winning blocks of the things that we’re remembered for. They are one and one of the same. How you hold yourself and how you see yourself – what do you do when no one’s watching? If you do it then, I guarantee you – you’ll be doing it when everyone is watching.

- Greg Plitt

When you find a fear, that fear will either create you or destroy you. I love fear. The reason why? Because behind every fear is the person you want to be. Fear is self imposed – meaning it doesn’t exist. You create it, and you can destroy it too.

If you’re not facing your fears you are not living. You’re not running the day – the day is running you. You’ll always be the servant – not the master.

I often come up with some crazy ideas, some of these ideas are very far fetched while others have seemed crazy but became a reality.  For that reason I have never stopped dreaming, over the past few months I have come up with a few crazy ideas.  As always the ideas focus on raising diabetes awareness and showing the diabetes community that anything is possible.

My latest dream is to have an ultra marathon to raise diabetes awareness.  Obviously you don't simply wake up and say "I'm going to put on an ultra marathon" the amount of planning and work that goes into such an event is crazy.  Think about, you have to find a state park to run a 50k, you need at least 100 people that would be interested in running and you need a location that is appealing to the runner.  You also need something that makes the event unique, many ultra marathons have lotteries for runners because the race has something special.  

The Diabetes Ultra (preliminary name) is slated to be run somewhere in Vermont, New Hampshire, or Maine.  Personally that is very attractive for an Ultra, it has the mountains, amazing scenery, and is close to a major city/airport.  I also believe that the Northeast has a large number of ultra runners but has yet to have an ultra marathon that an Ultra runner in Europe or Asia would be interested in.

After the route and location what is left to make an Ultra special, especially The Diabetes Ultra.  The Diabetes Ultra would have a diabetic champion!!  Any person running with diabetes is automatically put into this field, the winner could win an all expenses trip to Friends for Life where they will share their story with everyone that attends Friends for Life.  (Obviously this has yet to be worked out but I love the idea)  That is just one idea that I have, obviously I'd love to workout something with my favorite pro team but I'll save that for when The Diabetes Ultra becomes a reality.

If this is all a dream why would I write about it?  This dream just like all of my dreams isn't about money or being acknowledged for my work but it would be used to not only raise diabetes awareness but to save lives.  At the end of the race, I don't want to walk away with any money in my pocket.  After everything has been paid for the money left will be used to purchase diabetes supplies.  Those supplies in turn will be donated to a family in need.  If the money raised is able to buy more supplies then they will be donated to more than one family.  We are living in a time where many people can not afford diabetes supplies, that is tough to read day in and day out on social media.  I don't know how to fix that problem but I can do all that I can to raise money to help someone in need.   

I go through health apps on my phone like I go through socks, if an app fails to impress me in a small twenty-four hour window I will quickly delete the app.  I know what I want in a health app and for some time now I have been in search of the perfect app.  The app needs to connect with the health app that is on my Iphone, it also needs to set goals for me when it comes to weight and calories, and finally it needs to help me decide if I'm putting good or bad food in to my body.  This seems like a pretty tall task but after a few years only one app has stood the test of time.

That application is Fooducate, it has been thee best health application I have ever had.  Like many other health apps I had to enter my height, weight, activity level, and ultimate weight goal.  Once that information was put in I got to the core of Fooducate which is the immersive food database.  I eat some odd foods that I didn't believe would be in the database, but as soon as I scan the barcode of any food that I eat Fooducate gives that food a grade.  The grade is based on calories, fat, sugars, and many more factors.  Fooducate didn't just find some random person and give them a bunch of money to give grades to foods, each food has an explanation page so that if you disagree with a grade you can see why it received the grade that it did.  For example I have gone from Kashi waffles to Eggo.  I figured the grades would be similar, I was wrong.  Kashi waffles recieved a grade of B and Eggo got a C+.  Not crazy but when I clicked on explanations for the Egoo waffles I saw that Eggo waffles have tiny amounts of real fruit, contain controversial artifical colors, controversial additive TBHQ, are highly processed and have no whole grain.  Once the current box of Eggo waffles are gone I will be going back to Kashi.  Fooducate does this for every piece of food that enters my body, I have yet to scan an item that is not in the Fooducate database, that alone would have me sold on the app.  

From daily tips to healthy recipes Fooducate has it all.  I encourage everyone to give it a try, as someone living with diabetes this app is amazing!!  It may not be the best app for everyone but for me it has me eating right and not worrying so much about calories and fat because it gives me limits.  My goal is to only eat foods that are rated above a C+ if I do that I won't have to worry about my weight or if I'm healthy because Fooducate is doing all the work for me.

For the past year or so I have been writing a lot about my training and my racing, I do my best to try and tie in diabetes but I don't always do so.  I feel as though I have made diabetes look easy, that was never my intention and if I did so I apologize.  The truth is I have my out of range blood sugars on a daily basis just like everyone else.

Running and riding a bike I feel as though I have less severe lows or highs, this does not make riding a bike or running the secret to better blood sugars.  Cycling and running have made me much more aware of my blood sugars, I also know that my blood sugar needs to be in a certain range so that I can run or ride to the best of my ability.  That has caused me to focus on my diabetes more than I should, that sounds like an odd comment but for the longest time I had a very small range window.  I was so focused staying in my set range that it effected the way I ate and caused a little depression if I was out of range for a few hours during the day.

Over time I learned that I can be myself and care for my diabetes.  It took me a long time to realize this but a blood sugar that is above my set range will not take years off of my life.  Much like life diabetes gives you good days and bad days.  You can do everything perfect one day and nothing will go the way it should.  Now is that comment about life or diabetes?  The answer is both.

The most important thing for anyone living with diabetes is to accept that everything isn't always perfect.  Diabetes doesn't suck, diabetes is what you make it.  If you complain all day and look at the bad it will suck.  If you celebrate the good and learn from the bad you will learn that diabetes is a gift.  It is the gift that we must share however.  We have to take upon ourselves to let everyone in our life that we are living with diabetes.  We need to support those that are not happy with their diabetes.  I have been there and know what it is like to feel bad and ask why.  It was a very dark place that I stayed in for almost fifteen years.  In that time I always wished someone would teach me how to love living with diabetes.  

Besides running and cycling I try my best to help someone living with diabetes.  Yes I have a blog and one heck of an audience but it doesn't matter if you have a blog or not you can make a difference in the world of diabetes.  With social media we can help anyone in the world, never be afraid to make it known your living with diabetes.  Post a status update saying you're looking to help someone living with diabetes, I guarantee someone will respond and say I know someone who could use your help!!  Diabetes only chooses the champions!!  

I will never know what it is like to be a professional athlete and because of that I will have to wait three more weeks to run my first 50k. Life comes first, having to work on Saturday takes presidences over running a race. Yes I could have ran Saturday and worked on Sunday but something much more meaningful, more fun, and something Ill never forget is planned for Sunday.

Where does this leave me? I'm happy, I haven't once said "I'm pissed that I have to work and that I can't run". I have been training for this race but having another 50k in three weeks means I'll be ok. I have become a little older and a little more mature as of late, I can always run I won't always have those special moments in life. Trail running has taught me how to enjoy the little things in life.

Moving forward I will enjoy some time on the bike this week before going back to the trails before my 50k in Massachusetts. I have plenty of work to do before the 50k so I will continue to enjoy training and more importantly I will enjoy life and a great life moment on Sunday.